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never posted (perhaps)


One see's what they believe

I haven't posted in quite awhile or even regularly because I had thought I had anxiety issues, and they controlled my actions. But many of my anxiety issues would go away as soon as I would not get to excited about my new hope. I'm not sure if all my issues are due to anxiety, never was diagnosed. I was always told that I had nerve damage for years. Even though I had never felt it (not saying I have none now but it wasn't the reason for my issues. finally am able to take control rather than the other way around. I'm not saying I am healed, far from it. I still can't control my emotions all the time, I still have anger issues, I still have anxiety issues I'm dealing with (although I'm confused on what anxiety is anymore). Things are different now then before, they are getting easier to deal with no matter what level of relief I happen to have.

One of the things that helped get me over the hump got me over my hump for good was when I saw these two twin girls, in therapy, they must have been about 13, don't know exactly. I'm not going to get into details. I thought... What they would not do for my set of problems, just for a day, My issues, my problems seemed so petty and ridiculous in comparison. even when I had started my journey. It made me wonder about all the kids in the world having to deal with their current situation, They are the tough ones often showing adults how to deal with problems. You see Hope in their eyes.

I've seen people with many different problems but something hit me when I saw them. Many people have many problems, everyone does, if you claim not to have any, you will ! You need some kind of HOPE, and I would encourage others to document, film your accomplishments, You would not believe how encouraging it can be to go back and watch your clips over and over again of you accomplishing a task, something you were unable to previously accomplish. Go to WIX and, get a site going, and just go with the flow. Your site will become like a therapist for you. When and if you are ready or want to publish or not, the choice is yours.(that sounded like a Wix ad but no affiliation, sponsorship, nothing...but...?...hint, hint) One thing I wish I would have done more is write my feelings at the time. I spent a lot of time thinking about my problems, listening to my Coach K, but I wish I would have documented it because I could have had a reference.

One thing that bothers me is the stigma that gets attached, once you have a brain injury. That stigma is justified until you start doing better and then you feel as if no one listens, as if you talk to walls, everyone claims to knows more about me then me. I often feel like Arnold from Small Wonder (I think) except the narrator in my head is screaming to be paid attention too.

You start getting treated like you are in the way, no one does this on purpose and I know and understand this I just wish you would be willing to at least really listen, not pretend, how it seems. Again this is not on purpose but after so much time you become a hassle, no one can rely on you, they always have to include you in their plans, when they have a bad day they take it out on you, again not consciously. This all stuff you probably feel only when you start getting healthy. Which I feel I am !


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